Author and speaker Nicholas Boothman writes
that finding the right person for you requires adjusting how you view rejection: “rejection isn’t personal; it’s part of the natural selection process
You wouldn’t walk into a furniture store and buy the first sofa you saw.
Instead, you’d start shopping with a general idea of what you want and then try out one after another until you found one that felt right. And most of the ones you’d reject would be perfectly fine sofas that would be great in someone else’s living room—just not yours.
As Boothman notes, “You go through the same process of selection when buying a car, a home, and just about anything else of importance to your life, so it’s absurd to think that you’d settle for the first man or woman that came along.”
So, what does this mean in practice?
Putting into practice the principle that there’s no rejection, only selection means that if you’re on a date and things aren’t clicking, it’s not anyone’s fault. It’s not personal—it has nothing to do with you as an individual. It just means that you and your date aren’t complementary types.
Boothman points out that the search for your complementary match is a numbers game. Statistically, roughly one out of sixteen eligible people you meet could be your match.
“Be open to people’s charms, but also be aware that very few of them would be a really great match for you. Likewise, you’re not going to be right for everyone, either.”
How will you know when you find your match?
Boothman recommends reflecting on some time when you saw a piece of clothing or furniture and thought, “Wow! That’s perfect for me.”
Or maybe you had a similar feeling when meeting people who later became your best friends: “It’s that blissful, relaxed feeling of just knowing you’ll get along effortlessly, and probably be friends forever.”
Can you remember how that felt?
Alternatively, you’ve probably met people who made you feel uneasy, even if it was hard to say why.
Given the choice, which of the above people would you like to spend time with?
Here’s Boothman’s advice: “Close your eyes and relive each feeling. Linger on what it feels like to just know something’s right. Then you’ll understand why rejection is a productive thing.”